Sometimes you just know there’s something wrong with your child — but somehow you can’t get them to open up. Here we’ll explore the real reason kids can’t tell you what they’re feeling — and uncover the three ways they show you instead.
Your’e having a perfectly normal day with your child… when suddenly things take a nose-dive.
It might be tears over something small.
A full-blown meltdown.
Or maybe something a little more subtle – a moodiness, a sense of disconnection, withdrawal or sudden clinginess that seems to come from nowhere.
Then when you ask what’s wrong… you’re met with “nothing,” or “I’m fine,” or “leave me alone!”
It can feel confusing, frustrating, and sometimes even worrying.
And because they can’t tell you what’s going on, it’s easy to feel their behavior is deliberate – even personal at times!
But usually, it’s not intentional at all. Rather, it’s their way of communicating something they don’t yet have words for.
You see, children often struggle to communicate how they feel with words.
That’s because even though they can talk, they’re not yet able to think about and explain their emotions in the same way adults can. The parts of the brain responsible for language and abstract thinking are still developing, especially in moments of big emotion.
Much of their inner world is still felt, experienced, and processed without language. But just because they don’t verbalise things, doesn’t mean they don’t show us.
In fact, there’s three main ways they communicate their feelings with us…
Through their behaviour.
Through their bodies.
And, perhaps most powerfully of all — through their play.
In my work as a play therapist, this is exactly what I’m paying attention to — the feelings and worries children are expressing without words.
It’s when we begin to understand this, that something important shifts.
We stop asking, “How do I get them to explain this?” And start wondering, “What might they be trying to show me?”
Why Kids Can’t Tell You What They’re Feeling
So, let’s take a deeper look at the three key ways children communicate with us—and how to understand what they’re really telling us.
Here’s what we’ll cover…
How Children Express Their Feelings Through Behavior
One of the most common ways children show us how they’re feeling is through their behavior. As parents we know all about this only too well.
It might look like:
- emotional outbursts or meltdowns
- sudden anger or defiance
- shutting down or withdrawing
- clinginess or separation struggles
- refusing to do things they can usually manage
It can be easy to see these moments as “misbehaviour” or something that needs correcting.
But behavior often starts to look different when we understand what’s underneath it.
Behaviour is communication.
When children don’t yet have the words — or the emotional capacity — to explain what’s happening inside, their feelings often come out through what they do instead.
A child who is overwhelmed might become explosive.
A child who feels unsafe might become controlling.
A child who is anxious might become clingy or avoidant.
The behavior isn’t random. It’s meaningful.
And while it can be challenging to respond in the moment, this shift in understanding can change how we meet those behaviors.
So, instead of asking, “How do I stop this?” We can gently begin to ask, “What might this be showing me?”
Ashleigh Warner sums this up perfectly – “Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath every feeling there is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.”
How Children Communicate Emotions Through Their Bodies: Signs of Emotional Overwhelm
Children also communicate a huge amount through their bodies — often before anything else is noticeable.
You might see this as:
- restlessness or constant movement
- difficulty settling or relaxing
- tummy aches or physical complaints with no clear cause
- tension, clinging, or difficulty separating
- seeming “on edge” or easily overwhelmed
These physical signals are often overlooked, but they can be very telling.
Children don’t just experience emotions in their thoughts — they experience them in their bodies.
When something feels too big or too much, the body often responds first.
A tight tummy.
A racing system.
A need to move, avoid, or hold on.
The body becomes another way of communicating what words can’t yet express.
When we start to notice these signals, we begin to see a fuller picture of what our child might be experiencing — not just what they are doing or saying, but what they are carrying inside.
And from there, we can respond with more understanding and less frustration.
How Children Express Feelings Through Play (And Why It Matters)
While behavior and physical signs often get our attention, there’s another way children communicate that’s just as important — and often much easier to miss.
They use play to express what they’re feeling.
In play therapy, we often say, “toys are children’s words and play is their language” (Garry Landreth).
You see, for children play isn’t just something they do for fun.
It’s how they make sense of the world.
Through play, children can explore feelings, work through experiences, and express emotions they don’t yet have words for.
You might notice your child:
- creating little worlds where things feel safe, controlled, or predictable
- repeating story lines in play
- acting out experiences with toys
- imaginative role play
To adults, this can just look like simple play.
But underneath, children are often processing their inner world.
Play gives children a safe way to express feelings without needing to explain them.
When we begin to see play this way, it becomes less about entertainment… and more about understanding. It becomes a window into what your child might be experiencing.
If this idea is something that interests you, you might find this helpful: 21 Powerful Play Therapy Techniques Parents Can Use to Support Their Child.
When Kid’s Can’t Express Their Feelings: What This Means for You
When kid’s can’t express their feelings, they often show us instead — through their behavior, their bodies, and their play.
And when we begin to see it this way, something important changes.
We stop questioning and start noticing what our child might be showing us.
We move from confusion to curiosity.
From reacting… to understanding.
The tears, the anger, the silliness, the stories, the repeated games… all begin to make a little more sense.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
But this simple shift in perspective can help you start to respond in ways that help your child feel safe, seen and understood.
If you’d like more simple, real-life ways to support your child’s emotions, I share ideas, insights, and tools like this regularly.
You can join below and I’ll send them straight to your inbox.
Explore more ways to support your child’s emotions:
21 Powerful Play Therapy Techniques Parents Can Use at home
The Magic of Guided Meditation for Kids: Discover Its Benefits
How to Calm Stress: Best Breathing Strategies For Kids
21 Helpful Things To Know When Teaching Kids About Emotions
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