A Parent’s Guide to Play Therapy: Answering Important Questions

Are you a parent with questions about play therapy? Perhaps you’re wondering is it effective? Could it help your child? And how does it really work anyway?

If you resonate with questions like these, then this article is for you. Here we’ll look at what play therapy is, its powerful benefits, and why this approach helps children express, heal, and grow emotionally. We’ll even touch on how parents can use play therapy skills at home.

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Parents’ Questions About Play Therapy

As parents, our world is all about protecting our children, especially their mental and emotional well-being.

Generally we can help them navigate the ups and downs of life. However, sometimes things can move to a place where we feel we’re unable to support them effectively. We find ourselves searching for ways to help them express their feelings, cope with challenges, and build confidence.

At times like these, parents may wonder about play therapy – an approach that meets children on their level, helping them process emotions and experiences through play.

But what exactly is play therapy, and how does it work? Is it suitable for all children, or only for those facing specific challenges like anxiety, behavioral issues, or trauma? If you’re wondering if play therapy could benefit your child, you’re not alone. Many parents have similar questions. But understanding the basics of play therapy can help you reach decisions.

As a play therapist, I’m often asked to explain play therapy. And while I’m super-passionate about its power to support kids who are struggling, somehow putting it all into words leaves me tongue-tied.

So, this post is dedicated to thoroughly answering all those tricky questions. We’ll explore everything you need to know about play therapy: what happens during a session, how it helps children with different needs, and evidence that supports its effectiveness. We’ll also look at how parents can be extremely effective in supporting their children using play therapy skills.

Whether you’re a parent considering therapy for the first time or just curious about ways to support your child’s emotional growth, this guide will offer valuable insights to help you navigate the world of play therapy.

So, a good place to start is – what is Play Therapy?…

What is Play Therapy?

Simply put, Play Therapy is a way of helping children with emotional and behavioral difficulties, through play. It’s a type of psychotherapy that uses toys and creative activities to help children express troubling thoughts, feelings and challenges. And it allows them to communicate these things, in a way that feels easy and natural – play.

It provides a safe, supportive space for children to process:

• Stressful life events and experiences such as illness, relationship difficulties, trauma, bereavement or family breakup.
• Neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD, ASD, and other developmental disorders such as Dyspraxia.
• Emotional issues such as depression, anxiety and anger.
• Behavioral problems such as difficulties with social interaction and friendships, disrespect, melt-downs, school avoidance, fussy eating, or withdrawal etc.

Through activities like drawing, role-playing, or using toys, children develop emotional resilience by learning problem-solving and emotional regulation skills. They build self-esteem and develop coping-skills.

But perhaps you’re wondering – what all the play is about. Why use it at all? Why not simply sit them down and talk, going down the route of traditional therapy such as counselling?

Well, that’s because young children struggle to express complex things, verbally.

Play really is the magic ingredient in play therapy. And Swiss psychologist, Piaget helped explain why…

Play therapy vs traditional counselling for kids

Piaget made many interesting discoveries in the field of child development. But two of these were of particular significance to Play Therapy. Piaget found that:

1. Under the age of 10 children don’t yet have the ability of abstract thinking, and
2. Between the ages of 2 – 7 (what Piaget called the operational phase) children start to play symbolically

These go hand-in-hand to explain why Play Therapy is so effective for children, more-so even than talk therapy.

You see, play therapy and traditional counselling differ in how they help clients express their feelings. Traditional counselling relies on verbal dialogue and structured conversations to explore emotions and challenges. This approach works great for adults and even older kids, who can explain what’s on their mind.

But because younger children don’t yet have the ability of abstract thinking, that they struggle to put things into words.

They often lack the emotional vocabulary to describe how they are feeling, and the life experience to explain complex situations or worries. For this reason talk therapy is difficult for them.

But while they struggle to express themselves verbally, they can play symbolically. This means things like toys, games, art, and pretend play used in play therapy, give kids a way to express themselves without needing to put everything into words. This is perfect for younger kids or in fact anyone who finds it hard to talk about their emotions.

Children will often ‘play out’ their worries in a similar way to how adults talk them out in therapy. Play is used to help them communicate their experiences and find ways to resolve difficulties and learn coping strategies.

This, then, gives us insight into what ages benefit most from play therapy.

What Ages Benefit Most From Play Therapy?

Play therapy is generally used with children between the ages of 3 – 12 years of age. That’s because during these years, children tend to use play as their main way of expression. As we’ve just seen, it allows them to communicate complex issues they would struggle to verbalize, in symbolic play form.

Play therapy can be adapted for older children or even adults though. While younger children may enjoy the use of dolls or sand play, the therapist can easily introduce activities more appealing to teenagers, but which still allow self-expression. These will be open-ended activities such as art, storytelling.

Creative arts are an extremely effective way of expression and processing emotional difficulties. Thus means play therapy can be a great approach for teenagers and even adults. It very much depends on the individual and their openness to various ways of working.

But how did play therapy come about? Who actually discovered it was such an effective way of helping children communicate their issues?

Well thankfully, back in the early 1900’s, some sharp-eyed psychologists noticed something surprising about children’s play…

How Did It Start? – The Development of Play Therapy

At the beginning of the last century, child psychologists began to realize that play isn’t something kids do, just for fun. It’s not just recreation or leisure.

They noticed that children use play to express their inner world. Play is a child’s natural language. It literally gives us insight into their world, their thoughts and feelings.

As you might expect, Freud was one of the first to jump on this bandwagon. He discovered play was a valuable tool in helping to access children’s unconscious minds. In this way he was able to bring thoughts and feelings into their consciousness that they weren’t even aware of, but which influence behavior.

Anna Freud, then further, highlighted the value of play in building rapport with children to help them express their difficulties. She used it in conjunction with her therapy.

More structured approaches to play therapy then began to develop.

But it was Carl Rogers who changed the way the world thought about therapy. He felt that a safe, supportive space should be created, where people truly feel heard and accepted. Instead of giving advice or directing the process, he believed in letting clients explore their own feelings. He let them find their own answers. This became known as the person-centered approach. At its core is the idea that we all have it within ourselves to find our own solutions, within a nurturing relationship.

Virginia Axline then used these ideas as the core principles of non-directive child-centered play therapy. Here, children are invited to express their thoughts and feelings freely through play, without judgment or guidance. It trusts in the child’s innate ability to find their own solutions to challenges, at their own pace.

Play therapy has since developed over the years. Now a variety of different approaches and techniques have evolved.

Types Of Play Therapy

These are some of the approaches therapists use to help children express themselves and process challenges, through the language of play:

1. Child-Centered Play Therapy: focuses on creating a safe space for children to express themselves freely. This is because of the belief that children have an innate ability to solve their own problems when provided with this type of supportive environment. Here, the therapist follows the child’s lead. This frees the child to express and explore their feelings through play, without adult interference or guidance.
2. Non-Directive Play Therapy: is essentially the same as child-centered Play Therapy, but this term highlights the therapist’s non-intrusive role, allowing the child to take the lead in choosing toys and directing play. The therapist provides minimal guidance, focusing instead on reflecting emotions and providing a secure space for self-expression.
3. Directive Play Therapy: The therapist takes a more active role, guiding the play and introducing specific activities to address certain issues.
4. Cognitive-Behavioral Play Therapy (CBPT): Combines play with CBT techniques, helping children identify and change unhelpful thoughts or behaviors. New behaviors can be taught through techniques such as modelling, using activities such as puppets, dolls or storytelling.
5. Filial Therapy: focuses on educating parents in basic child-centered play therapy skills. This strengthens the parent-child relationship and address emotional concerns. Parents receive close supervision, which allows them opportunity to explore personal feelings and concerns.
6. Sandplay Therapy: uses sand and miniatures to create a “world” in a sandbox, helping children express and process emotions symbolically.
7. Art Therapy: encourages self-expression through creative activities like drawing, painting, or sculpting, promoting emotional exploration.
8. Theraplay: focuses on strengthening attachment and improving parent-child interactions through structured, playful activities.

Why might a child need play therapy? 

Play therapy is helpful for children with a variety of emotional and behavioral issues, although it may not be appropriate for children with complex mental health problems.

Here are some common reasons why a child might benefit from play therapy:

1. Emotional Challenges

• Difficulty expressing or managing emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety.
• Experiencing grief or loss (death of a loved one, divorce, or separation).
• Low self-esteem or self-confidence issues.
• Anxiety.

2. Trauma and Stress

• Experiencing or witnessing abuse, neglect, or domestic violence.
• Coping with major life changes such as moving to a new home, starting a new school, having a new sibling, coping with illness, family break-up.
• Suffering stress due to accidents, natural disasters, or other traumatic events.

3. Behavioral Problems

• Acting out behaviors such as aggression, defiance, or temper tantrums.
• Difficulty following rules, focusing, or controlling impulses.
• School avoidance

4. Social Difficulties

• Struggling to form or maintain friendships.
• Challenges with sharing, turn-taking, or other social skills.

5. Developmental Issues

• Delayed speech, motor, or social development.

6. Mental Health Conditions

• Anxiety disorders, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
• Symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Adjusting to or coping with developmental disorders like autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
• Other neurodevelopmental conditions.

7. Family-Related Stress

• Exposure to high-conflict family dynamics or parental separation.
• Dealing with a parent’s mental health issues, substance abuse, or imprisonment.

How Play Therapy Resolves Problematic Issues

Across a course of play therapy, parents generally see an improvement in problematic issues. Behavior improves, anxiety eases and children become lighter and freer.

It’s sometimes described as the ‘magic’ of the play therapy room, and it does feel like magic. But actually when you break it down, a number of things are happening to bring about these resolutions.

Here’s what’s going on…

1 The Expression Of Complex Emotions Helps Lessen Symptoms

It’s so important for feelings to be expressed. All our emotions are valid and they need to come out. If they can’t be expressed through words, that will be expressed in some other shape or form.

Bottled up emotions like fear, anxiety, or anger will have mental, emotional, and physical consequences. They can intensify stress, contribute to depression, and cause emotional outbursts. This can harm relationships and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. It can increase physical issues like headaches or tummy upsets.

As we’ve learned, play gives children a language to express emotions they don’t have words for.

A good therapist will work hard to establish a trusting relationship, so the child feels safe enough to dare to deeply explore and express their inner world. She will also work to create a feeling of permissiveness, so the child feels free to express exactly what is on their heart, without fear of upsetting adults around them.

This release of emotion helps reduce stress and improve mental. It helps boost physical health, strengthen relationships, and build emotional resilience.

It’s great to express emotions. But there’s even more elements than this at work in play therapy that help children resolve issues.

2 As Children Feel Heard and Understood Problematic Behavior Improves

A good therapist works hard to recognize the feelings and intent behind children’s play. She then reflects these back to the child.

So for example, if a child creates a small grave for a toy animal in the sand tray and the play focus around a pretend funeral service – the therapist can reflect the feelings and intent in this play with words such as, “You made a special place for the animal and said goodbye. It seems like you’re thinking about what it means to lose something or someone important. Saying goodbye can feel really sad, even when we know it’s part of life.”

The therapist uses the child’s play as a way to identify the underlying emotions, needs, or intentions and reflect them in a supportive, nonjudgmental way. This helps the child feel heard and understood. And when a child feels heard and understood, problematic behavior tends to improve.

“When children feel understood, they feel better. There is a direct connection between how a child feels and how they behave.”

Dr Garry Landreth

3 As Children Learn To Identify Their Emotions, They Gain Control: Name It to Tame It

In play therapy, reflective listening is a powerful way to help children learn about their emotions.

When a therapist observes a child’s play and gently puts words to the feelings they see—like saying, “It looks like your tiger is really angry” or “You’re making sure that doll feels safe”—the child begins to connect their inner experiences with words. This process teaches children how to name their emotions, a skill often called emotional literacy. It’s like giving them a map to better understand what they’re feeling and why.

And when a child learns to name an emotion, it has a powerful effect on the brain. This process brings the emotion from the nonverbal parts of the brain into the conscious mind. This allows us to process the feeling more logically and gives us control over it.

Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “name it to tame it,” meaning that identifying an emotion helps calm the brain and body. For instance, if a child is feeling overwhelmed but can say, “I’m scared” or “I’m frustrated,” it’s as though the big, messy feelings become smaller and more manageable. Instead of those emotions running the show, the child learns they can take charge of their own feelings.

This is a key part of healing and helps them develop skills they’ll use for a lifetime.

4 Play Rewires The Brain

Play has an amazing ability to literally rewire the brain! It’s because of something called neuroplasticity, which means the brain can form new connections and patterns.

This has incredible implications. That’s because each time kids work through something during play, their brain gets better at handling challenges in a healthier way. It’s like exercising their emotional muscles!

For kids dealing with difficult feelings or tough experiences, play lets them safely explore and practice how to handle those situations. Their brain is learning new, positive patterns. Over time, these new pathways help kids feel less overwhelmed and more in control.

5 Symbolic Play Reveals Unconscious Issues

Play therapy helps children uncover thoughts and feelings, so deep that they are outside of the conscious mind. That’s because play is a bridge to the unconscious.

So, a child may act out scenarios, create imaginative stories, or repeat themes that provide clues to their struggles. In many cases, these play themes uncover worries, fears, or feelings they haven’t been able to put into words. By “playing it out,” children reveal emotions and experiences that might be driving their behavior without them fully realizing it.

6 Children Mature and Build Resilience: The Sunny Windowsill

I like to think of play therapy as a sunny windowsill for kids.

We all know seedlings have little chance of surviving outside. But given initial protection of somewhere like a windowsill or greenhouse, they grow strong enough to eventually be able to survive the natural elements themselves. Likewise, play therapy offers children a micro-climate to grow and mature, until they too are strong enough to face the world and its storms.

Through play therapy children develop:

• Self-awareness – as the therapist reflects the intentions and feelings in their play, they come to understand themselves better. We can only change problematic issues if we are first aware of them.
• Self-control – through carefully structured limit-setting, children learn to take responsibility for their actions. They learn how to express difficult feelings in a positive, not destructive way. They learn to curb disruptive behavior from their own choice and not just because someone has told them.
• Self-esteem and confidence – Children can’t learn how to take decisions or responsibility if they are never given the opportunity to experience leadership. As adults we are always telling children what to do – ‘eat up, hurry up, don’t do that’. Nearly all decisions are taken for them. But they gain these skills in the therapy room, as here, the child leads and the therapist follows.
• Problem-solving skills – in the therapy room, the therapist resists doing anything for a child, that they are capable of doing for themselves. It’s our natural inclination to jump in and help a child who is struggling. But when we ‘steal their struggle’ we deprive them of the opportunity to overcome challenges and build confidence. In Play Therapy they learn how to work through challenges in a controlled, supportive environment.

Will Play Therapy ‘Fix’ My Child?

It’s important to remember that the goal in Play Therapy isn’t to “fix” a child. Rather, the goal is to offer them tools and spaces to understand and express themselves better.

Activities are designed to help your child express their emotions, work through challenges, and develop healthy coping strategies.

The good news is though, when these have been addressed, issues generally improve.

What toys are used in play therapy?

A wide selection of toys are used in Play therapy. But these aren’t just any old random things thrown together. The toys are carefully chosen.

You see, they need to be things that will encourage and enable a child to express their feelings and play out situations. They represent a child’s symbolic world.

They tend to be items that are open-ended in nature, such as the sand tray and its symbols. These allow a child to tell their story without any sort of predetermined path. It means they are free to express their thoughts and find new ways of resolving problems, without any outside influencing factors.

The toys tend not to be shiny, new ones either. It’s best if children feel comfortable to use them, however they need to express themselves.

Garry Landreth said “Toys are children’s words.” Imagine if you were trying to explain yourself, but you didn’t have the words to do it.

In order to give children plenty of ‘words’, the main items in a therapists toolkit are generally things like:

• Doll house
• Sand tray
• Miniature figurines or symbols
• Art and craft
• Construction toys, building blocks, Lego
• Dress up costumes
• Dolls
• Puppets
• Board games
• Masks
• Music/dance
• Drama/role play
• Clay/play doh
• Story books
• Creative visualization (Guided meditation)

What Happens In A Play Therapy Session?

Play therapy is a series of regularly scheduled special play times, with a therapist.

Each session generally lasts around 40 minutes. A series of around 12 sessions are recommended, although this can be increased or decreased depending on a child’s needs.

A safe, supportive environment is set up where the child is free to explore and play with whatever they choose.

During this free play, the therapist mirrors them – bringing to light emotions that arise. As the therapist watches the child’s pattern and themes of play over the weeks, she gains insight into the child’s inner world.

Difficult experiences that have impacted a child will show up in play. For example, a child who has experienced parental conflict may repeatedly stage arguments between dolls, acting out themes of anger or separation in their play, or a child with anxiety may bury symbolic ‘fears’ in the sand.

Playing out their story in a safe, free, protected space allows the child to work through anxieties, emotional wounds, and experiences. In this way Play therapy brings healing.

Sometimes without realizing, children will put up resistance to things they find too painful or overwhelming. A skilled therapist will recognize this and find ways to overcome the resistance. For example, she may introduce new tools to help the child better express their story.  

In child-centered play therapy it is common to see children progress through four stages.

The Four Stages In Child-Centered Play Therapy

Children progress through distinct stages as they navigate their emotions and experiences through play.

These stages tend to be—warm-up, aggression, regression, and mastery. They reflect the child’s journey toward emotional healing and self-discovery. Each stage serves a unique purpose, helping the child build trust, express feelings, revisit earlier developmental needs, and ultimately gain confidence and control.

Understanding these stages provides insight into the therapeutic process and the child’s inner growth.

Warm-Up Stage: Over the first few weeks the child becomes comfortable in the playroom and begins to explore the space and toys. This stage focuses on building trust with the therapist and creating a sense of safety and acceptance.

Aggression Stage: As trust deepens, the child may express strong emotions, including anger or frustration, through aggressive play. This is a healthy way for the child to process intense feelings in a controlled, nonjudgmental environment. Things may get worse before they get better though, as symptoms outside of the therapy room may increase at this stage.

Regression Stage: The child may exhibit younger behaviors, such as nurturing play or seeking comfort, as they revisit earlier stages of emotional development. This allows them to address unresolved needs or traumas in a safe space.

Mastery Stage: The child demonstrates growth and emotional resilience, using play to problem-solve, gain control over challenges, and express confidence. Symptoms will hopefully resolve by this stage.

Is Play Therapy Always Effective?

There is currently a lot of evidence to suggest that play therapy is effective. It shows it can help children work through various emotional and psychological challenges and is used world-wide by many schools, charities and mental health clinics.

Studies show it is effective in

• reducing emotional difficulties such as anxiety and depression
• lessening symptoms of behavioral difficulties in children
• reducing levels of aggression
• promoting self-regulation and empathy
• improving social and communication skills

As play helps children relax it is a valuable technique for helping break down barriers with children who may be resistant to other types of therapy.

It’s good to hold in mind though that it may not be suitable for all children.

• A child may not be ready for it
• May not like/have a good relationship with the therapist
• It just may not be for them
• Children with more complex mental health problems may benefit more from other types of therapy.

Due to the variety of different approaches though, there is a lack of consistency in the ways play therapists work with children. This makes it difficult to consistently evaluate its effectiveness.

However, while research and case studies point to its value, nothing can replace the testimony of relieved parents and happy children.

Can Parents Use Play Therapy Techniques Themselves? Yes!

It was once believed to take years of graduate education and training to learn therapeutic skills. But there’s great news. It’s now known that parents can learn these skills and use them effectively with their children, in just a matter of weeks.

In fact, research shows that in many instances, parents can be just as effective as professional therapists.

Research shows parents can be “just as effective (in some cases more effective) as professionals in helping children with their problems”.

Bratton, Ray, Rhine & Jones 2005

Dr Garry Landreth, made the call for mental health professionals to ‘give away’ their skills through training to parents. This is because he believes parents are in the best position to ‘profoundly impact the lives of future adults’.

“Therapists helping parents to become therapeutic agents in their children’s lives is the most efficient way to significantly improve the mental health of adult populations of the future,” he said.

One of the ways parents are taught how to use Play Therapy skills, is through a type of training called Filial Therapy.

They can then use these skills with their children to become a key part of the child’s healing process. While the parents do not become therapists as such, they’re still able to effectively support their children. This type of play therapy is generally recommended for children who don’t have identified clinical problems.

Filial Therapy involves training over several weeks. It includes supervision where parents can explore their own emotions too.

There’s also some simple play therapy techniques, parents and caregivers can use straight away. These help support your child and strengthen your bond together.

You can discover 21 Powerful Play Therapy Techniques Parents Can Use, here.

Closing Thoughts on A Parent’s Guide to Play Therapy

Hopefully by now, all your big questions about play therapy have been answered.

You’ll recognize it’s a compassionate and effective approach for supporting children through life’s challenges. By using their natural language of play, it provides a safe and nurturing environment for children to express their emotions, develop coping skills, and gain insight into their experiences.

As a parent, understanding the process and benefits of play therapy can help you decide if it feels right for you and your child. Seeking professional help is a step of strength and love that can pave the way for your child’s emotional growth and resilience. If you’re considering play therapy, reach out to a qualified therapist who can guide your family on this powerful journey.