Learn how to build emotional regulation skills in kids with ADHD and support their emotional whirlwinds in a compassionate, brain-friendly way.
If you’re parenting a child with ADHD, you already know this truth: if emotions could be measured, theirs would be off the chart.
ADHD feelings come fast, loud, and often without warning.
One minute everything is fine. The next, you’re dealing with tears, yelling, shutdowns, and complete emotional overload over something relatively small.
And I bet you’ve asked yourself, ‘Am I doing something wrong? Why does this feel so hard?’— Well, let me reassure you now: you’re not failing, and your child isn’t broken.
Emotional regulation is genuinely harder for kids with ADHD, because of the way the ADHD brain works. But the good news is, it is a skill that can be learned, practiced, and strengthened over time—with the right kind of support.
Emotional intelligence is so important for all kids. But in this post, we’ll specifically explore how to help kids with ADHD build emotional regulation skills, in ways that actually work for their brains.
(Want more tools to help kids develop emotional regulation? Check out the Crazy Beautiful Therapeutic Play Kit below 👇)
Why Emotional Regulation Skills are Harder for Kids with ADHD
So, how does ADHD affect children’s emotional development? Well, it isn’t just about focus or hyperactivity—it affects the brain systems responsible for:
- Impulse control
- Emotional intensity
- Frustration tolerance
- Pausing before reacting
Many kids with ADHD feel emotions more intensely and have fewer internal brakes to slow those emotions down. By the time they realize they’re upset, they’re already overwhelmed.
That’s not a character flaw. It’s neurology.
Understanding this is a key piece of the jigsaw of raising emotionally intelligent kids—because emotional intelligence starts with compassion, not correction. It lets us shift from reacting to behavior, to supporting development.
Here’s five steps that focus on practical ways to help kids with ADHD learn how to manage emotional storms over time.
1. Start With Co-Regulation, Not Self-Regulation
One of the biggest mistakes we’re taught is to expect kids to calm themselves down before they have the skills to do so.
Kids with ADHD often need co-regulation first.
That looks like:
- Staying calm (or calm-ish) when they’re dysregulated
- Naming what you see: “That felt really frustrating.”
- Offering your presence before offering solutions
Your regulated nervous system helps their nervous system settle. Over time, this repeated experience becomes internalized—and that’s when self-regulation starts to grow.
(Want a fun way to help kids learn how to identify and name emotions? Check out The Feelings Hotel: Creative Emotional Check-In activity)
2. Teach Emotional Awareness When Things Are Calm
Trying to teach emotional regulation in the middle of a meltdown is like teaching swimming during a storm.
Instead, build emotional intelligence skills during neutral moments:
- Talk about emotions in books, shows, and real life
- Ask questions like: “How do you think they felt?” or “What helped them calm down?”
- Help your child notice early body signals (tight chest, hot face, clenched fists)
Kids with ADHD often go from 0 to 100. Helping them recognize the 30 and 60 moments is a game changer.
3. Create Simple, Repeatable Regulation Tools
When emotions run high, complex strategies won’t stick. Simple and familiar tools work best.
Some ADHD-friendly emotional regulation tools include:
- Movement breaks (wall push-ups, jumping, pacing)
- Deep pressure (weighted blankets, tight hugs if welcomed)
- Breathing with a visual (pinwheel, bubbles, counting fingers)
- Quiet sensory input (noise-canceling headphones, dim lights)
The goal isn’t to stop the emotion—it’s to help their body feel safe enough to ride it out.
(Check out 7 Best Breathing Strategies For Kids to discover how this basic function is powerful for calming stress)
4. Practice After the Storm Has Passed
Once your child is calm again, then you reflect.
Keep it short and shame-free:
- “What did your body feel like before things got really hard?”
- “What helped you calm down?”
- “What could we try next time?”
This isn’t a lecture. It’s skill-building.
Over time, these conversations help kids with ADHD build emotional insight and confidence—two core components of emotional intelligence.
5. Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection
Progress with emotional regulation is rarely linear—especially for kids with ADHD.
Celebrate things like:
- Noticing they’re upset sooner
- Asking for help
- Recovering more quickly than before
- Trying a strategy, even if it didn’t work perfectly
Every small win matters. Emotional regulation grows through repetition, safety, and relationship—not punishment.
(Looking for more ways to support your child’s emotional wellbeing? Here are my 21 play therapy techniques parents can use at home.)
You’re Building Something That Last a Lifetime: Emotional Regulation Skills
Helping kids with ADHD build emotional regulation skills isn’t about eliminating meltdowns or raising a perfectly calm child.
It’s about teaching them:
- Emotions are information, not something to fear
- Their feelings are valid—even when their behavior needs support
- They have tools they can use, again and again
That’s emotional intelligence. And it’s one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.
You’re not just surviving the crazy beautiful—you’re shaping it, one skill at a time.
If you’re wanting to learn more about emotional intelligence for kids, you might find these posts helpful:
- How To Teach Kids Emotional Intelligence: 6 Play Therapy-Inspired Techniques
- How To Do The Feelings Hotel: A Creative Emotional Check-In for Kids
- The Magic of Guided Meditation for Kids: Discover Its Benefits
- 7 Best Breathing Strategies For Kids: How to Calm Stress
- How To Do a Mandala Emotions Activity For Kids
- Body Scan for Kids: The Magic Moonbeam (Free Script)
- Best Einstein Quotes For Kids: Inspiring Imagination, Creativity and Kindness
- The Worry Box: A Simple Tool To Help Kids Who Worry Too Much
- 21 Play TherapyTechniquesParents Can Use
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