Unlock the power of positive self-talk for your child’s success and well-being. Learn how to cultivate a supportive inner dialogue and empower them for life.
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Do you talk to yourself?
Even just a little bit in your head?
If so, don’t panic – it’s actually quite normal! Studies show that over 90% of adults admit to having a conversation in their head. It’s also estimated we all have around 70,000 inner dialogues with ourselves each day.
So, it turns out talking to yourself is nothing to worry about!
But here’s what is…
Of those 70,000 or so inner dialogues we have with ourselves, scarily, the vast majority are negative.
Psychologists and therapists alike are becoming increasingly aware of how important positive self-talk is for our confidence, success, and well-being. So unfortunately, it seems like that little chat show in your head could be doing you a lot of harm.
And unfortunately, our children aren’t exempt either. Which means, that voice in their head, can be either their biggest cheerleader or more likely (according to the research) their worst critic, depending on what it’s saying.
To set kids up for success, it’s important we know how to boost their self-talk. It’s like planting the seeds for their mental health and future success.
So let’s zoom in for a closer look at what inner dialogue actually is and discover the best ways to ensure your child has positive self-talk.
Understanding self-talk
Our inner dialogue, or self-talk, is the ongoing stream of thoughts and narratives that we hear in our minds. It’s like your own personal narrator – commenting on what you’re doing, making sense of the stuff that happens, and affecting how you feel.
Rather alarmingly, it is responsible for shaping how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us.
So, just think – that driver who’s sitting right on your tail? Well, he might be an irritating ignoramus who shouldn’t be allowed behind a wheel, or an anxious father rushing to his sick child – depending on the narrative you tell yourself.
And as for how we view ourselves- this inner dialogue can range from supportive and encouraging, to critical and defeating.
So it really is vital we keep a check on that inner voice, to ensure it’s telling us supportive stuff.
The importance of positive self-talk
Positive self-talk is when you’re kind to yourself. It’s like having your own lovely, best friend in your head, who is compassionate, encouraging, and points out what you’re good at. This sort of inner narrative is empowering, and solution oriented, helping you to see problems as opportunities.
But why is being nice to yourself in your head, such a big deal? Well, it’s a game-changer for a few reasons.
First off, it boosts your resilience. When you talk yourself up instead of tearing yourself down, it’s easier to deal with setbacks. Instead of seeing failures as personal flaws and beating yourself up over them, you see them as chances to grow.
Positive self-talk is also like a confidence booster shot – it helps reinforce your self-worth and capabilities. And it reduces stress too, because it prevents that negative voice from blowing things out of proportion and escalating anxiety. When you’re nice to yourself in your head, it promotes a sense of calm and control.
Oh, and let’s not forget about motivation. Positive self-talk fuels a can-do attitude, motivating you to pursue your dreams and goals. It’s like having a motivational speaker in your brain, cheering you on to keep pushing forward.
The down-side of negative self-talk
Negative self-talk, on the other hand, is like having a little voice in your head that’s mean. It’s the part of you that says you’re not good enough or you’ll never succeed.
It’s like having a grumpy roommate living rent-free in your brain. Or that nasty friend who’s always pointing out your flaws and making you feel down about yourself. It’s basically the opposite of cheering yourself on and believing in yourself.
And it’s seriously bad news because it messes with our frame of mind and emotions. When we tell ourselves we’re not good enough or that we won’t succeed, it’s like planting seeds of doubt in our own heads. It can make us feel anxious, stressed out.
Plus, it holds us back from reaching our full potential and enjoying life to the fullest.
It really is that dark cloud hanging over your head, about to rain on your parade.
Supporting children to develop positive self-talk
Thankfully, there’s a lot of things we can do as parents, to help our kids cultivate positive self-talk.
If you’re having doubts about how much anything you say, could possibly impact your child’s inner dialogue, just think about it. How often do the things your parents told you, (whether negative or positive, true or false) still pop into your head today, as part of your self-talk.
For instance- do you still feel a little weird when you cross your eyes, just in case the wind changes? Or maybe you still eat your carrots, for no other reason than that they help you see in the dark?
These things can stick with us for a lifetime. And as for me – I find the positive things resurface in my mind quite often at times when I need to hear them most. But equally, the negative things resurface at the times when I most definitely could do without them!
So, let’s make sure we’re promoting positive self-talk for our kids.
Here’s how…
1 Practice what you preach!
Begin by practicing what you preach!
Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything around them. So, model healthy self-talk by verbalizing your own positive thoughts and reactions to challenges, so they can hear.
Lead by example – Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” say, “I’ll give it my best shot.”
2 Encourage children to become aware of their inner dialogue
We can help kids to tune in to that little voice in their heads, by asking them to check in with their thoughts and feelings.
Teach them to recognize when their self-talk is negative or self-critical, so they can change it. This way, when they catch themselves being down on themselves, they can learn how to flip the script.
3 Challenge negative beliefs
When kids beat themselves up with negative self-talk, we can teach them how to question their beliefs.
A useful way of doing this, is by asking them to decide if their self-talk is a fact or a story. A fact is a certainty – something known to be true, but a story is what we tell ourselves about those facts. Often, the problem is not the fact, but rather the story we tell ourselves.
So, for instance, if a child can’t do something (be that schoolwork, sport or whatever), they may tell themselves they are useless. But it’s not the fact that needs to be addressed, it’s the story.
We can do this by teaching them to re-frame the false beliefs.
4 Re-frame the false beliefs, but carefully!
In re-framing false beliefs, be careful not to simply just counter their statement with the opposite.
What I mean is- if a child say’s “I’m useless,” don’t just say, “that’s not true, you’re wonderful”. This won’t work, for although we’re trying to re-frame their thinking, we need to do it the right way. You see, the way they feel is valid to them, and if we simply counter with something they know (or even just feel) isn’t true, they will not accept it. They may then also develop bad mental habits such as suppressing their true feelings or not trusting them.
So rather, we first need to validate their feelings. We then need to help them to re-frame the negative thought with a constructive one. So, for example, when they say, “I’m useless,” validate their feeling by reflecting it. Say something like, “I can see this is frustrating you,” and only then move on to re-frame it. Do this in a genuine way and by offering constructive suggestions, such as saying something like, “you’re still learning and with work, you will improve”.
If this sounds tricky, let me offer you a super hack – one of the smallest words in the English dictionary is amazing for this…
5 Use the power of ‘yet’ to supercharge positive self-talk
The power of “yet” is like adding a sprinkle of magic to kids’ self-talk.
This small, three-letter word is one of the most powerful ways to re-frame negative thoughts. So, when you catch them saying things like, “I can’t do this,” – adding “yet,” creates a powerful shift in their mindset. It acknowledges that while they may not have mastered the skill at present, it doesn’t mean they won’t in the future. It’s like saying, “Not right now, but you’re on your way.”
It flips the script from feeling stuck, to seeing possibilities and opens a door to a whole new world of potential. It adds the vital ingredient for increasing self-esteem and motivation, empowering our kids instead of leaving them feeling like failures.
There will be times when our kids don’t verbalize how they are feeling. This leaves us wondering what narrative they are telling themselves, and worrying that it may be full of self doubt and criticism. But wouldn’t it be great to think that that if it’s a negative script, it might be stopped and re-framed to give them hope – as they hear your voice in their head, adding ‘yet’ to their statements!
6 Encourage positivity
We all have a filter that we see the world through. Known as our worldview mindset, it’s a cognitive framework that helps us interpret the world around us. It’s created by a combination of things such as our life experiences and environment, so for some it may be a little cloudy, leading to a pessimistic outlook.
For instance, a child who has experienced illness will be quicker to worry about symptoms than a child who has always had good health.
But here’s the amazing thing – due to neuroplasticity (the brain’s ability to rewire itself) – we all have the power to cultivate a more optimistic worldview.
If we sense our children are developing a more negative filter, these simple practices are known by neuroscience to improve this.
- Gratitude – It’s known that gratitude literally changes the neural structures in the brain to make us feel happier and more charitable. It trains your brain to watch out for positive things. So that gratitude journal for kids? – It’s actually an incredibly powerful tool.
- Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals and sources of positivity – These types of activity are known to uplift and inspire us, so be sure to encourage your child to spend time with loved ones, pursue favorite hobbies, and find uplifting books and movies to enjoy.
- Positive affirmations – Teaching children to use positive mantras in their daily routine, can help them develop new ways of thinking. So fill their heads with little sayings that make them feel good about themselves – things like, ‘I’ve got this!’ or ‘I am loved.’ Daily Affirmation Cards remind kids of various positive statements to start off each morning or stickers are another fun way to keep them positive. The Hey Girl! Empowering Journal for girls, is also packed full of positive affirmations,
- Meditation and guided visualizations – these tools are particularly effective for building new neural pathways in our brain. They can help us wire out some of our negative thought patterns and replace them with good ones. They can be used to set goals, problem solve or prepare for how we can best handle a stressful situation.
Reach out for help if you need it
These are all great ways for helping our children develop positive self-talk. However, if you notice that a child is really having a tough time with a negative inner narrative or seems to be down on themselves a lot, it might be a good idea to reach out for some extra support. A therapist or counselor who knows all about helping kids with their feelings could be incredibly helpful. So, give them a call if you think your child could use extra support.
Closing thoughts on ensuring your child has positive self-talk
So, that little voice inside our heads? Turns out, it’s a big deal!
The way we talk to ourselves really affects how we feel and how we handle life’s ups and downs. And as parents and caregivers, we are like the directors of the play, that our young ones are casting in the theater of their mind.
So, keep sowing the seeds of positive self-talk in your children’s heads and building their confidence and strength.
Let’s make sure their inner voices are filled with kindness, encouragement, and belief in themselves.
