This fun technique helps children shrink overwhelming feelings. Learn how to externalize anxiety for kids with this effective and engaging art activity.
Helping kids handle anxiety is a daunting challenge. That’s because it’s so sneaky!
As parents, watching a child who worries, is distressing. We want to reassure them and help them understand and manage it. But anxiety such a complex thing! How on earth do we even begin to explain it, never mind help them get it under control.
As a Play Therapist, I spend a lot of time trying to help children understand anxiety. And it’s an extremely difficult task! That’s because it’s really complicated, and here’s why…
The reason anxiety is so complicated
The reason anxiety is so complicated is because firstly, it’s never about just one emotion – it’s all sorts of muddled thoughts and mixed-up feelings, all compounded. That means pinpointing the actual problem, amid all that chaos and mental clutter, can be difficult.
Secondly, it’s not something we want to turn off completely! That’s a bad idea, because although none of us like it, it does play a fundamental role in keeping us safe.
Thirdly, it really doesn’t like being alone, so usually invites imagination to the party. And when these two partners in crime work together, things quickly get out of control.
And finally, it’s often a false alarm! It tends to get over-enthusiastic – popping up, even when you aren’t in any real danger. It’s like an overzealous smoke alarm, that goes off when you’re just making toast.
So, helping kids get to grips with anxiety is no easy task.
But let me share with you, a strategy I use in the play therapy room. Not only is it very effective, but it’s also a lot of fun.
It helps kids make sense of their anxiety, and turn big, worried feelings into more manageable, bite-sized pieces. And the good news is – it’s easy for parents to use with their children too.
This fun activity, makes use of a technique known in psychology which lets us take anxiety out of our head and look at it from a distance.
Perhaps you’re wondering why this is so effective. Well, let me explain with a real-life example…
Discovering what’s in the box
One night I heard strange noises coming from the kitchen. I was terrified, thinking it was an intruder and so, against my better judgement, I went to find out.
Opening the door, I discovered a mysterious sight – a cardboard box bumping around the floor all by itself. I was in equal measures – relieved it clearly wasn’t a burglar, but now also terrified by the unknown. Clearly something was inside the box trying to get out.
It was at this point that rather unhelpfully, my imagination stepped in to try and assist! I wondered – could it be a mouse or a rat? With still no answers, my imagination then ramped up a notch, to the ‘unrealistic riot’ setting. I wondered – was it a Gremlin or some supernatural power?
My heart was pounding, but then a wave of laughter and oxytocin (that lovely, beautiful, happy, love hormone) flooded over me, when a ginger paw popped out of the lid. I realized it was my pet cat Jasper (affectionately named for comedian Jasper Carrot – how appropriate) playing around.
Somehow, when I didn’t know what I was dealing with, it all seemed incredibly scary. But once I could see what was going on, it became much more manageable.
It’s the same with anxiety – if we can get the wild, unknown thing out of the box and start to understand how it operates, we begin to feel like we can cope better.
Sometimes we’ll discover our anxiety is nothing more than a fluffy kitten, that our imagination has blown out of proportion. Other times it may be a more serious issue, but still, unpacking and starting to deal with it will help us make sense of all those mixed-up feelings.
So, how do we unpack it? Cue the externalizing technique.
Getting worry out of the box: how to externalize anxiety for kids
A technique known as externalizing, is what literally helps us unpack our problems.
It’s used in a form of counselling called Narrative therapy, and works by challenging us to separate ourselves from the problem. So, instead of feeling like these issues are part of who we are, we treat them as things that are separate from ourselves, which we can then examine and deal with. It’s like imagining our worries as objects which we can hold, turn around, and understand better.
Being able to separate our problems from ourselves in this way, seems strange and almost too simple to do any good. But in actual fact, it’s extremely beneficial for a number of reasons.
Why is it so beneficial for kids to externalize anxiety
Knowing how to externalize anxiety for kids brings many benefits. To begin with, instead of anxiety being all encompassing, externalizing it shrinks it down so it becomes more manageable.
This shrinking, lets us gain a clearer perspective. It helps us to define the boundaries of anxiety and understand how it operates. Kids will therefore find it easier to figure out solutions and not feel so overwhelmed. By seeing their problems as something outside of themselves, they can tackle them much more effectively and reduce their impact on their mental health.
Viewing anxiety as something separate from ourselves, also takes away any negativity your child may feel about themselves. That’s because with this technique, children learn that they themselves are not the problem, but that the problem is the problem.
And then finally, it enlightens children as they come to realize – it is they who hold power over the anxiety, and not the other way around. They are empowered as they begin to understand – they can control their feelings. That’s because, with this new perspective, they can now think about what enables the anxiety, and also what they can do to bring it down.
There are many ways used to externalize anxiety, such as writing a letter to it, working through set questions about it or going to therapy where you will be guided to do things such as give it a name and think about how it impacts you.
Fortunately though, there are lighter ways to externalize anxiety and the technique I’ll explain to you now, is by far the most fun method I’ve ever come across.
Here’s how it works…
The super fun art activity to externalize anxiety for kids
This super-fun art activity that enables you to externalize anxiety for kids, involves getting them to create a monster which will represent their anxiety.
But I never ask them to simply draw it. That’s because sometimes children find it difficult to draw something like this. They may worry about how it should look and whether it’s good enough or not. So, rather than drawing one, I prefer to lead children in a more abstract activity – ‘blow painting’ the monster, using straws.
Kids are captivated by this type of art. The erratic shapes and patterns that emerge, are largely uncontrolled by the child. This unpredictability makes it feel like they have a life-force of their own (just like anxiety).
A lot of children enjoy the freedom this type of art brings. Because it’s abstract, it means they don’t feel under pressure to have to create something that looks right or good. Rather, the art just happens – there’s no right or wrong, it’s just fun. Kids can enjoy the creative process without worrying about the end result.
Equipment required
Here’s a few things you’ll need to do this activity.
- A protective cover – it can get messy, so you may want something to protect the table
- Card-stock paper – slightly heavier gauge paper is good, as the paint we will use is a watery consistency and lightweight paper tends to ripple
- Acrylic paint diluted 1:2 paint to water. Ensure the paint is runny enough or children will have trouble getting it to spread out
- A pipette, dropper or if you don’t have these use a small spoon – these tools will ensure you have good puddley blobs of paint (if you do opt to use a paint brush make sure not to spread the paint out too thinly)
- Straws
- Selection of Googly eyes or eyes, mouths and pointy teeth you have drawn and cut out
- Paper towels
Instructions: How to do the activity
Once the equipment is gathered, you’re ready to take the first step to externalize anxiety for kids. Begin by inviting your child to paint a picture of their worries.
Then it’s as simple as using the dropper to place several good blobs of paint on the page, (remember to make sure these are nicely puddled) and then let your child use the straw to start blowing.
I love how when children are doing this, they start to see things in their work. I often hear them exclaim things like, ‘Oh look – there’s his big, long legs’ or ‘I can see his face’.
Once the paint has dried, you can add some eyeballs, mouths and teeth for effect. This really brings the monster to life. Try using googly eyes or make your own by drawing them on a page and cutting them out. Children may also want to add things such as arms, legs or antennae by drawing them onto the page with a pen. They can even add little teeth by cutting out triangles of white paper.
The monster should look really effective by now, but we’re not finished yet! The next step is to use this painting to help the child externalize their anxiety.
Externalize anxiety for kids: naming the monster
The first most important step, is to give this monster a name.
Sometimes children may struggle with this step, so I encourage them to think about various things such as how anxiety makes them feel (ie churning tummy, shaky), the types of things people may do to you that are horrible such as pushing or being mean, and the types of things they don’t like such as foods. This often helps them come up with good names.
Next, to externalize anxiety for kids, it’s time to have a good chat with this monster. Remember, though, when you talk about the anxiety to use the monster’s name.
Externalize anxiety for kids: the questions to explore
Begin by asking the child to tell you a little bit about their monster – maybe what he maybe looks like. Is he tall or small, little or large, ugly or glamorous?
Then talk about the times when their monster appears. Is it at school time or bed time or some other time. Ask if they know when he’s coming to visit or does he just suddenly appear by surprise. Does he ever go away somewhere else? When was the first time he appeared?
Ask about the type of things their monster says to them. Does he tell lies? When he frightens them, what sort of things is he saying? This is a good point to explain to your child that often our monster tells lies. Or that often he will try to worry us by talking about bad things that might happen, but actually mostly never do. Tell them we don’t have to listen to these lies.
Next, ask about how the monster makes them feel when he appears. Anxiety shows up in our body, often before our conscious mind is even aware of it. It can show in ways such as feeling restless, sweating or having headaches or tummy aches. It also shows up in our behavior and can make us irritable or angry. Help your child to understand that these are all normal symptoms of anxiety, but being able to recognize them can really help.
Then finally ask what the child can do or say to it to make the monster go away. Ask who they feel should be the boss? Who should be in control of your feelings – you or the worry monster? Help them understand they have the power to control their feelings.
All these questions are key in helping us externalize anxiety for kids.
Closing thoughts on how to externalize anxiety for kids
Hopefully by now, you’ll have learned a new strategy to help your child deal with worry and externalize anxiety for kids.
There’s other strategies you might want to learn about too, such as the worry box technique, backed by neuroscience.
With this fun and engaging method to externalize anxiety for kids through art, we can help them shrink overwhelming feelings and make sense of their worries. This approach not only helps children understand their anxiety better but also empowers them to take control.
Remember, with patience and the right tools, we can support our children in navigating their emotions and building resilience. Together, we can make a significant difference in their emotional well-being.
And keep encouraging them to engage with their worry monster. The more they talk back to it, the closer they will move to managing their anxiety.
