Learn how the worry box technique can help kids who worry too much. Discover how psychology-backed benefits help kids manage anxiety and build resilience
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Do you have a child who worries too much?
Are you raising a little one who tends to carry the weight of the world on their tiny shoulders?
If so, you’ll already know how anxiety among children is a growing concern in today’s world.
Studies show an increasing number of young ones grappling with worries, that can impact their well-being and development.
As parents, we know that our children can carry a cascade of anxieties—homework, friendships, monsters under the bed—you name it. Goodness, they even worry about things that aren’t theirs to worry about: adult problems – like finance, world leader problems – like war and poverty, or just crazy problems- like their best friend’s, auntie’s, next-door-neighbour’s, sick tortoise.
Sadly some children are fated to carry heavy burdens far beyond their young age. But even small troubles for children can feel like colossal mountains – insurmountable and overwhelming.
As adults, we know that worries can stick around if not properly addressed. So, how can we as parents, provide them with effective tools to navigate these turbulent waters? How can we help kids manage anxiety?
The worry box might just be the solution you’ve been searching for. It seems almost too simple to be effective, but trust me (in fact – don’t trust me, trust the psychology) – which shows it’s an incredibly powerful tool for kids who worry. It can turn mountains into manageable molehills! Let’s find out how…
But first of all, what even is a worry box?
What is a worry box
A worry box can literally be anything from mom’s jewellery box, a DIY decorated tissue box or a treasure chest. You can even use things like an old cookie tin, a jar, a soft teddy bear with a zip, or a plushie monster that eats worries.
But the thing is, this will no longer be any ordinary box. Once selected, it’s then a sanctuary for worries, a place where fears can be acknowledged and released.
So how does it work? Well, it’s quite simple, really.
How to use a worry box with your child
The idea is, that you invite your child to write down their worries, or draw them, on a piece of paper. If a child doesn’t want to do this, they may prefer to chose an object to represent their worry – a bead, a button, a pebble, or small toy.
Then let the child place this worry into the worry box and explain that the box is going to hold the worry, so they can let it go.
This act alone can be incredibly cathartic, allowing children to take the first step towards letting worries go.
‘But, come on,’ you may be asking, ‘how can this really help kids who worry’?
How the worry box helps kids who worry too much
I have to admit when I first came across the idea of the worry box – I rolled my eyes!
It all seemed a bit airy-fairy – a bit too ‘nice’ to be true.
But through the lens of play therapy, I’ve learned a lot more about the evidence that supports its effectiveness in helping kids who worry too much.
The worry box is like a beautiful swan, really. On the surface it looks like not much is happening. But underneath in the murky waters of our subconscious, there are webbed feet paddling like crazy!
The worry box is like a beautiful swan. On the surface it looks like not much is happening. But underneath in the murky waters of our subconscious, there are webbed feet paddling like crazy!
So here’s five ways, neuroscience shows the worry box technique helps kids who worry…
1 It makes problems lighter to carry
Long before Sigmund Freud recognized the benefits of talk therapy, people innately seemed to know that talking out problems makes them much lighter to carry. They even invented a proverb about it – the problem shared one!
In a similar way, the worry box works as a tool to open up conversation between children and parents around the things that worry them. Research shows that this sort of open communication with caregivers is a key element for secure attachment. It also helps build resilience and emotional well-being in children.
By encouraging children to share their worries in this way, parents are creating an environment where worries can be honestly expressed.
The act of physically handing the worry over, also helps the child understand someone else is helping carry their worry.
(Discover how these fun breathing techniques can effectively help kids handle anxiety – How to Calm Stress: Best Breathing Strategies For Kids)
2 It validates feelings, which helps kids who worry
We don’t like to see our children dealing with difficult emotions- so we protect them as much as possible. We tell them to stop worrying or that there’s nothing to worry about. Unfortunately, although this is well-intentioned, it can actually make things worse.
That’s because although kids are young, they aren’t stupid! If they discern you are brushing things under the carpet they’ll feel their concerns have been trivialized, dismissed or denied. This in turn, will make them even more anxious.
It also communicates the idea that somehow the way they are feeling is wrong. This may lead them to suppress their feelings. And this, of course, only allows things to fester and grow.
At times it’s true, and there really is nothing for children to worry about (like monsters under the bed). Nonetheless, telling them there’s nothing to worry about still won’t work. That’s because for the child, their feelings are real, even if unfounded, and so they still need to be addressed. So in this instance, telling a child not to worry, is like telling a cat to stay off the kitchen bench!
The worry box, however, is the antithesis of this. It creates an opportunity for worries to be acknowledged, addressed and dealt with and for feelings to be validated. Through it we are making time to actively listen to our children’s concerns.
You may not necessarily agree with the child’s feelings, but don’t be judgmental – it’s important the child feels safe enough to open up and express how they truly feel.
In this way children will feel heard and their feelings validated. This then enables them to move onto the next steps of processing and finding solution.
3 It gives children a place to store worry outside of their head
Any strategy that helps us notice and re-frame negative thought patterns is known as cognitive restructuring. When a child actively places worries into the worry box, they are engaging in a form of cognitive restructuring. Because the worry box gives them a tangible way of getting rid of their worries and a physical place to store them, it teaches them to recognize that they are not their worry. It teaches them they are in control and can separate themselves from their anxious thoughts.
The worry box, therefore, does not deny the validity of their worry. Rather, it shows them that although the worry still exists, it’s possible to teach your mind to set it to the side. This releases you, so you no longer feel the burden of having to carry it round in your head.
It is a tangible symbol, representing their ability to manage their worries. It also reminds them that they have control over their fears. They learn that they can choose to let go and trust that others are supporting them and that they will find a way through.
It also helps children understand that we all worry. But when our heads become consumed with worry thoughts, there’s no room to think about other things. That means it’s difficult to concentrate, learn, engage, play or function on a day to day basis. Children, therefore, begin to learn the importance of not letting worry consume us, so we can get on with life.
4 It helps uncover subconscious thoughts and emotions
Using activities such as drawing, writing, or choosing symbols, connect us with our subconscious. It’s like opening a secret door to your mind’s hidden treasures. That’s because there is a profound connection between imagery and the mind’s deeper layers.
These activities tap into the parts of your brain that don’t speak in words. So, when you draw or pick symbols that feel right to you, you’re letting your subconscious do the talking. It’s like a shortcut to express things you might not even realize you’re feeling.
It allows thoughts, emotions, and experiences, that may be difficult to put into words, to still be expressed – just in a slightly different way.
Symbols, in particular, hold immense power. That’s because they can represent complex ideas and feelings in a condensed form, without having to say a single word.
This gives kids who worry a deeper understanding of their inner world, bringing insights and pathways to healing, that otherwise may have stayed hidden.
Connecting with the subconscious in this way, is of particular value for children. That’s because being so young, they often don’t have the understanding, life experience or vocabulary to put complicated emotions into words. So, it allows them to express things they would otherwise struggle to, or wouldn’t have words for.
This is vital, as it enables externalization- another crucial step in finding resolution.
5 It allows thoughts and emotions to be externalized
Externalizing emotions involves expressing feelings outwardly, often through actions or verbal communication. Rather than keeping emotions bottled up inside, externalizing them allows us to release pent-up tension and gain clarity on our feelings.
So, another key element of the worry box strategy is the act of externalizing worries. Psychology teaches us that externalization techniques, such as writing things down, or drawing our worries, has great therapeutic benefits such as improved mental health and reduced anxiety levels.
By externalizing emotions, individuals can better process and understand their feelings, leading to a sense of relief and emotional regulation.
Dr. Daniel Siegel’s “Name It to Tame It” theory is a simple, yet powerful concept in understanding and managing emotions, especially for children. The idea is that by identifying and labeling their feelings, individuals can gain better control over them. Dr Siegel outlines it in detail in The Whole-Brain Child. This caring and funny book draws from the latest neuroscience findings, and names this technique as one of twelve proven strategies for raising calmer, happier children.
When children externalize their emotions, this helps them to recognize and name them. By doing so, they begin to understand what they’re experiencing and can then find ways to cope with those emotions more effectively.
This helps kids who worry, by developing emotional intelligence. It also empowers them to communicate their feelings more clearly to others, creating healthier relationships and positive mental well-being.
(For an arty way to help kids externalize anxiety, you might like Shrinking worry: how to Externalize Anxiety For Kids)
Closing thoughts on the worry box and how it helps kids who worry
I love the way the worry box offers children a non-threatening outlet for processing their emotions, so much so, that it’s now a key element in my therapy room. It’s like a secret weapon for helping kids who worry too much.
As every child is so different, it’s also great because it’s so adaptable. You’ll find you can make it fit your kid’s style – whether you decide to jazz one up together, or go shopping for one, it’s easy to find something that fits their personality and interests.
(You might want to try The Graceful Jellyfish guided visualization to help kids relax!)
So, why not give it a shot? With a little box of hope and a whole bunch of love, who knows what you’ll discover as together you help them face their fears and build up some serious resilience.
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- For an arty way to help kids with anxiety, you might like Shrinking worry: how to Externalize Anxiety For Kids
- Learn how helping kids to recognize internal cues, can also help them handle anxiety – Interoception: the hidden sense that helps kids handle big emotions
- You might want to try The Graceful Jellyfish guided visualization to help kids relax
- Discover how these fun breathing techniques can effectively help kids handle anxiety – How to Calm Stress: Best Breathing Strategies For Kids
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