If you’ve been wondering how to teach kids emotional intelligence in a way that actually sticks, you’re in the right place. Emotional intelligence isn’t just a skill — it’s the foundation for calmer behavior, meaningful relationships, and resilient kids who can handle the rough times life sends. In this guide, you’ll learn simple, play therapy-inspired strategies you can start using today.
Have you ever had a toddler go into meltdown because you split their banana in two? Or a tween go silent after a rough day at school? If so – welcome to the crazy beautiful world of parenting! You’re raising a human with emotions. Big ones. Haphazard ones. Messy ones.
But when kids start to get a handle on why these feelings appear, what they look like, what they mean and what to do with them – they become a bit more manageable.
It’s a set of skills psychologists call emotional intelligence. But as parents we know it something more like – “the art of not totally losing it when your brother breaks your Lego tower!”
As a play therapist, I’ve seen how play therapy supports emotional intelligence. That’s because many of the techniques used in the play therapy room, naturally help kids develop emotional intelligence.
So, in this post we’ll explore how to teach kids emotional intelligence using these play therapy-inspired techniques. And here’s the lovely thing – they’re techniques parents can easily use too.
Here’s What We’ll Learn
Here’s a quick guide to what we’ll cover – feel free to skip ahead or follow step by step.
But first, let’s talk about what EQ actually is.
What Is Emotional Intelligence for Kids? (The 5 Building Blocks Every Child Needs)
Emotional intelligence (or EQ) — is simply the ability to recognize, understand, express, and manage emotions — in ourselves and others.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman described five main areas to emotional intelligence. So, for kids this looks like:
1. Self-Awareness: “What am I feeling right now — and why?”
Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. When kids can name their feelings, they can start to understand what those feelings are trying to telling them and how they might impact their behavior.
“I feel jealous because my friend got picked first.”
“I’m nervous about going to school.”
This understanding increases emotional clarity — and reduces emotional chaos.
2. Self-Regulation: “What can I do with this feeling that won’t hurt me or someone else?”
Once kids recognize their emotions, the next step is learning to respond to them in healthy ways.
Self-regulation isn’t about shutting emotions down. It’s about helping kids pause, think, consider consequences and choose safe, healthy responses. It includes learning ways to control impulses or calm down when upset.
It’s about helping children learn they have choices — even when emotions feel big.
3. Motivation: “How can I keep going, even when something feels hard?”
Motivation is the inner drive to try again after disappointment. For kids, this looks like persistence, effort, and pride in trying — not just succeeding.
“You kept at that puzzle until it clicked!”
“That was tricky, but you didn’t give up.”
Celebrating effort builds confidence and grit.
4. Empathy: “How do other people feel — and how can I show that I care?”
Empathy helps kids tune into others and respond with kindness. It’s the ability to understand and feel for someone else, showing compassion and concern.
And when empathy turns into compassion — “I feel for you, and I want to help” — emotional maturity deepens.
5. Social Skills: “How can I work, play, and solve problems with others?”
This includes communicating clearly, listening, cooperating, and resolving conflicts peacefully.
Play is a wonderful teacher here — from taking turns and sharing in board games to working through playground disagreements.
When kids can understand themselves and others, relationships become easier, and confidence grows.
Bringing It All Together
When kids grasp these 5 skills, something powerful evolves: emotionally intelligent, resilient, and kind-hearted humans.
Research shows that children with strong emotional skills are more resilient, do better socially and academically, study and are more likely to grow into empathetic, grounded adults.
How To Teach Kids Emotional Intelligence
Understanding what emotional intelligence is, is one thing — helping kids build it is another. But it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Kids learn emotional intelligence best through connection, curiosity, and everyday moments — not lectures or long lessons.
6 Play Therapy-Inspired Ways to Develop Emotional Intelligence in Kids
Here’s how to teach kids emotional intelligence in daily life, using simple play-therapy-inspired techniques.
1 Welcome All Emotions (Even The Messy Ones)
Create a space where your child feels comfortable to share their true feelings openly. Help them know that it’s okay to feel all sorts of wildly different emotions and that they can come to you to talk about them.
In play therapy, we accept all feelings without judgement — yes, even anger and “I hate you!” moments.
Remember:
All emotions are valid.
Not all behaviors are.
Creating an emotionally supportive environment gives kids a space to process and express emotions in healthy ways.
2. Notice and Name Emotions: Reflective Listening
Help children become more self-aware by labeling their emotions for them, as they happen. By doing this, you’re giving them words for what’s going on inside, and showing that all feelings are okay (even those messy ones).
Reflective listening is one of the most powerful tools from play therapy — and it works beautifully at home.
It’s more than repeating your child’s words back to them, though. It’s watching for the emotion underneath. This will show up in:
- Their face
- Their body language
- Their tone of voice
- Their style of play
Then gently name what you notice:
“You look sad.”
“Your shoulders are slumped — you’re feeling a bit disappointed.”
“You’re banging that block really hard — it looks like you’re angry.”
Once kids start hearing their feelings reflected back, they begin to recognize them more easily on their own. And this is like gold dust – because when difficult feelings are verbalised it diminishes their intensity.
3. Make Feelings Visual and Playful
Making emotions visual and interactive helps take big, abstract ideas and turn them into something children can literally see, touch and explore. Play, of course, is a child’s language and that’s why it’s at the heart of play therapy.
That’s why I love using tools like these with kids:
Emotion Mandala Coloring – helps children explore feelings through art and learn how to recognize what’s happening inside. (Check it out here – How To Do a Mandala Emotions Activity For Kids)
The Feelings Hotel – lets kids explore emotions as they check in and out. They can even rummage through the luggage to unpack the important messages they bring. (Check it out here – How To Do The Feelings Hotel: A Creative Emotional Check-In for Kids)
Feelings Thermometer – helps children see how emotions can grow or cool down in intensity
Emotion Hide-and-Seek – to build awareness through movement and play. (You can learn how this fun activity works here – How to Play The Hide and Seek Emotions Game)
These activities make learning about emotions fun, not heavy. They also create safe, structured ways for kids to explore feelings and learn how they shift, change, and carry important messages.
4 Use Mindfulness To Manage Difficult Feelings
We can’t switch off unwanted feelings — but we can teach kids how to manage them.
Mindfulness gives children tools to pause, notice what’s happening inside, and respond with calm rather than impulse. It creates that tiny but powerful gap between feeling and reacting — which is emotional intelligence in action.
Here are a few simple ways to bring mindfulness into everyday life:
Breathing Techniques
Simple breathing exercises help kids calm their bodies and minds when emotions feel too big. By slowing their breath, children create a natural pause between what they feel and how they react — making it easier to stay in control. (Discover my 7 Best Breathing Strategies For Kids— from Balloon Breathing to the Navy SEALs’ Box Breathing — here.)
Calm-Down Corners
A calm-down corner is a cozy space where kids can go to regroup when they feel overwhelmed. Filled with pillows, books, or sensory tools, it teaches children that taking a break is healthy — not a punishment.
Creative Visualizations
These gentle imagination exercises help kids picture something calming, safe, or empowering. Whether it’s “floating on a soft cloud” or “letting worries drift away like bubbles,” visualizations help children shift their emotional state. (Follow The Graceful Jellyfish Meditation meditation to help your child feel calm and relaxed.)
Body Scan Meditations
A body scan teaches kids to tune into the physical clues of their feelings — tight shoulders, shaky hands, wiggly tummies. When they can notice these sensations early, children learn to understand their emotions and manage them before they spiral. When they can notice these signs early, they can calm themselves before emotions spill over. (Discover my guided Body Scan for Kids: The Magic Moonbeam here.)
Even a few slow breaths can take a child from overwhelmed to grounded.
4 Read and Reflect
Story-time is one of the easiest, most powerful ways to build empathy and emotional understanding. Books invite children into another person’s world — a perfect space to practice empathy and perspective-taking.
As you read, pause to ask:
“How do you think she felt?”
“What would you do?”
“What do you think will happen next?”
Books help kids practice emotional insight without any pressure.
6 Don’t Steal the Struggle
This one is tough — but powerful.
When we jump in too quickly to help a child who is struggling, we accidentally rob them of feeling capable.
In play therapy, we say:
Never do for a child what they can do for themselves.
So next time your child is struggling to zip their jacket or solve a tricky puzzle, (yes, I know we can do it quickly and we’re in a hurry, but…) take a deep breath and hold back. Offer encouragement, not solutions. The pride they feel when they succeed is worth it.
(Looking for more ways to support your child’s emotional wellbeing? Here are my 21 Play Therapy techniques parents can use at home.)
Final Thoughts: Simple Ways to Build Emotional Intelligence in Kids
Hopefully by now you’ll have learned that helping kids build emotional intelligence isn’t about suppressing feelings or having calm, perfect children. It’s about giving them the tools to navigate life’s messy bits — from playground dramas and teenage heartbreaks right through to adult responsibilities.
Every one of these strategies — listening, acceptance, play, mindfulness, reflection, patience — helps kids grow into emotionally intelligent, self-aware humans.
You don’t need to master them all at once.
Just start with one.
Practice it often.
Little moments, repeated with love, create lifelong emotional strength.
And if you want more practical tools you can use to support your child’s emotional growth, don’t miss this…
- Play Therapy Techniques Parents Can Use — practical tools to help kids process emotions through play.
- A Parent’s Guide to Play Therapy — a simple overview of what play therapy is and how it helps kids.
- The Feelings Hotel — a hands-on activity that lets kids explore emotions as they check in and out..
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